


Diplomatic Incident

by JohnAmendAll



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Cake, Cake Fic Meme, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 16:04:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/967907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnAmendAll/pseuds/JohnAmendAll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It can only take the slightest mistake to get the Narn and Centauri ambassadors at each other's throats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diplomatic Incident

**Author's Note:**

> This is [cakefic](http://cakefic.livejournal.com): A variation on the meme of 'character X, naked, covered in cake, and chained to character Y'. It originated in the Doctor Who fandom; this is an attempt to spread it a little further afield.

"This is all your fault!" Londo Mollari fumed. 

G'Kar's infuriating self-possession did not seem to have been dented by his nudity, his being half-buried in purple-hued cake, or by being chained to his mortal enemy. 

"On the contrary, my dear Ambassador Mollari," he said. "This is all _your_ fault." 

"Now I have heard everything! It's _my_ fault that you broke into a Centauri supply ship without your clothes on?" 

"Of course. Yours and the designer of the security system on this ship, who I presume is one of your ridiculous race. If you really are authorised to be here, it should not have restrained you as it did me. And if it was impossible for a Narn to defeat the system by removing his clothes, I would not be here, would I?" 

"Pfah! You had no reason to be here!" 

"No more did you — if this truly was nothing more than a routine food delivery. No, Ambassador, when I saw you sneaking on board—" 

"I do not 'sneak.'" 

G'Kar made an airy gesture. "I know when a Centauri is being furtive. Obviously this ship is carrying contraband. Forbidden weapons, perhaps? Or do you plan to poison our people?" 

"You're paranoid." 

"It isn't paranoia when they really are out to get you. 'They' being the Centauri, in this case. Can you give me any reasonable explanation what interest you would have in this ship?" 

"I do not have to give any account of myself to _you._ " 

"True." G'Kar picked up a lump of cake, and pretended to inspect it. "But in that case, I shall know what to assume." 

"All right. Fine. Next week is the anniversary of the Battle of Opiska, and I was to give a banquet. This ship was delivering the centrepiece of the dessert." Londo gestured at the fragments of icing, meringue, fruit, trushabread and gold leaf which were scattered about. "A centrepiece which thanks to your clumsiness and paranoia, has been utterly wrecked!" 

"You will forgive me if I am less than deeply sorry. When Narn children are going hungry in the streets, I find it hard to muster any sympathy for a clique of fat Centauri aristocrats reduced to eating only a five-course meal instead of the six they were expecting." 

"And I suppose you'll say that is my fault too?" 

"Of course. Had you not stripped our world, maybe we too would have cake. If it were not a degenerate Centauri dish unfit for our race." 

Londo tried to brush icing off his sleeve, to little avail. "Or perhaps if your government spent a little less on your large and aggressive space fleet, it could afford to set up soup kitchens for the indigent members of your population." 

"When there are races like the Centauri in the Universe, a strong fleet is not a mere luxury," G'Kar retorted, beginning to lose his cool. "Those who harm us will regret it. Never forget that, Mollari." 

"The only person who has done harm today is you!" 

Before the discussion could escalate further, Security Chief Garibaldi appeared in the doorway, accompanied by two subordinates. 

"Ambassador," he said. "Ambassador. Is someone going to tell me what this is all about?" 

The two ambassadors pointed at each other. "It's his fault!" they chorused, in perfect unison. 

"Of course it is." Garibaldi glanced from one to the other, then tapped at a control panel on the wall. The chains holding Londo were released. "Ambassador Mollari, you'd better come with me. Chaonasin, go and get something for Ambassador G'Kar to wear. Fedotov, stay here and make sure he doesn't try anything until I get back." 

He led Londo from the cargo bay. 

"Now, Ambassador," he said. "Do you have anything to say?" 

"I shall send the cleaning bill for my coat to the Narn embassy," Londo replied haughtily. "Also for the food supplies ruined by his bungling. A Narn in one of our food transports! The whole ship will have to be fumigated. Or perhaps it would be simpler to drop it into the nearest sun." 

"Do you have anything _useful_ to say?" Garibaldi asked patiently. 

"What is there to say? You cannot talk sense to a Narn." Londo scrubbed at his coat again, with no more success. "You have cake on Earth, do you not, Mr Garibaldi? The amount of trouble it has caused for our people would surprise even you." 

Garibaldi shook his head. "I don't think it would."


End file.
